Kim Il Threatens Nuclear War: Big Dongs Move Upright (satire)

Kim Il, North Korean Dictator, after much personal bio-mass component mind searching, finally has threatened nuclear war upon foes to the south because of troop excercises of the United States,South Korea as well perhaps as the vast federal deficit that should tick off reasonable people everywhere.

The benevolent and excellent foreign dictator, speaking at the Elvis Presley Memorial Imitator Awards, where he was given a lifetime achievement award–a velvet coat and commemorative Elvis jumpsuit thought aloud to our ESP’n correspondent ‘get into the physical, got to make the body politic talk of me’.

Commandante Clint Cappo of the U.S. Bomber administration is said to have replied to a question on potential responses to this belligerancy ” Fine, that makes my day. If he wipes out the south it will save us a lot of future spending over there, and we can finally launch some of our sea-fish product to toast the North, reduce inventory and simultaneously increasing through-put.”

Dictator Kim may have as many as a dozen nuclear bombs to place upon his big dong missiles. These are considered in technical political jargon as prophylaxtics against peace and prosperity.

Republican politicians inside the federal belltway are said to have thought that if worst comes to worst and Dictator Kim decides to go ahead and launch, “that the missiles can hit Boston and spare the rest of the nation from the horror of nuclear holocaust and we hate NPR and the Red Sox.”

President Obama’s press secretary Mel Gibson answered questions for the press mob on the potential for nuclear conflict. The press secretary said ” I deserve bleep before any missiles are launched. Its all a blast and they can toast maybe Japan and Queensland even if the big dongs can’t reach L.A Thats a funny statement to me that the big dongs can’t reach L.A. I know how the Dictator feels.”

Big Dong missiles are the concern of Chairman Mullins of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. An expert on the typo dong missile program, the Admiral in Afghanistan searching for lost seaman that took a car into a Taliban area for a firefight last night on their way to the beach is said to have thought that “If the military can let these guys with the big dongs have a little space maybe we can increase enlistment numbers and blast the bad guys. The greater east Asian coo-prosperity sphere may be just a dream today, but war is hell. Oh bomb them to hell anyway.”

The administration was said to be considering sending Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to Seoul and points north to encourage Chairman Dictator Kim Il to cool off his big dongs. The Bourgeois Think tank thinkers thought that if war does break out we hope it is finished n three hours and produces many excellent mushroom clouds for instant replay and analysis by the global media. It could stimulate economic development.