A Better Summary of the Secret Trump-Putin Transcript

President Trump speaking with Vladimir Putin at Helsinki recently about building golf courses in Russia after he is exonerated from getting 348 electoral votes because of G.R.U. machinations, inadvertently disclosed to the Russian President that he is actually part American Indian- Cherokee, and 23 and Me had verified his ancestry.

President Putin was quite impressed and said that he was agreeable to investing in First nation projects in Amerigo Vespucci land if President Trump would repay with interest certain debts John Paul Jones left unpaid in Russia during his naval service there back in the day.

The project President Putin mentioned was a new Coffee Shop franchise for dogs with canned product too in order to allow New Yorkers to share a morning Joe with their dogs (a special decaffinated brew with soy). As President Putin described it, the Starbarks stores would sell human and canine coffee appropriately packed with anti-worm and anti-coffee lake CPU viruses.